Hello Everyone,
This blog starts where the last blog left off. For those who haven’t read it a very brief synopsis is that I went into hospital for a routine day case surgery. I was kept in overnight as I had virtually passed out and I as in quite serious pain.
My long suffering partner Maggie said good night to me around 8.30pm and that was the last thing I remember for nearly two weeks.
When I came to, my perception of reality had changed. I had been kidnapped and taken away from all who knew and loved me. I was being held captive and
being tortured by the Russians. This torture took various forms including: being branded with a hot iron, having a snarling slavering dog bark in my face. It was barely contained on a lead. I also experienced my stepson and great nephew tell me that I killed a child when I was a child and that my gender was changed to protect my identity. I was born a boy and transitioned to a girl. My two brother-in-laws were stabbed but we’re not allowed in. There was bombs and flashes going on outside and sounds of rioting. I was told I was in Kings but I knew it was the Russians because it didn’t look like Kings. Two of the worst tortures involved being rotated in my bed into a pool of water under me and just when I thought I’d burst from lack of oxygen, I’d be brought back up, gasping for breath. The other was being sexually abused in front of an audience. One nice thing that happened was a neighbour and friend of mine had been negotiating for me and looking for me. He and a delegation found me and came to see me. With him was my niece who lives in Canada and is a physio and Sam Kerr who until recently played for Chelsea women’s team and was the Captain of the Australian national team. They promised they would get me out of there and were working hard on my release. These experiences went round and round ALL THE TIME. Sometimes there would be a new experience. I was often driving the car but couldn’t reach the break pedal and was driving round country lanes and scrapping through tiny gaps or crashing into the hedgerow. I was being terrorised 24/7. I started punching or kicking anyone who came near me. I was utterly terrified. I became aware that I had a tube in my mouth I wanted to pull it out but my hands were totally wrapped up
One day when the torture had been absolutely intense, I noticed my hands were free and I pulled the tube out of my mouth. My nose and throat really hurt as a result. I was really struggling to get up but I couldn’t move I remember Maggie holding my hand and making me look at her she said to me “Kes, do you remember, you came into hospital for an operation? One of the clips came away and you got sepsis. You’ve been in intensive care and on life support for two weeks!” With that, my delirium was broken and I started slowly piecing together what had happened to me. I listened with horror as my loving partner and sister and daughter explained what had been happening to me. They also said I’d been punching all the nurses and doctors. My beautiful daughter explained that I punched her so hard, she stumbled back into her partner when I was more with it, she said to me “You never did that to me as a child, it was a bit of a shock” it was a shock to me too I’m a pacifist and wear a white poppy but there I was, when I felt attacked, defending myself and lashing out I reverted to my early years and my street itching days.
Once I was awake properly, I didn’t sleep for two days. I think this was multifaceted. I don’t want to go back to that world of terror and I was also in a highly anxious state. This was a new experience for me. Maggie would hold my hand or rub my leg and my sister would run my head in a bid to get me to sleep it was to no avail initially.
Then the doctor came and talked to me. He said I had to be put back to sleep and in the ventilator again as I was deteriorating. He said they needed to drain my lungs because they were filling up with fluid. I also had a collection of pus in my stomach that needed draining too I didn’t want to go back on the ventilator but he explained I really needed it. I asked him would this kill me if I didn’t and he said yes I was terrified but I’m not stupid. He promised he get me off the ventilator as soon as possible. He was a good doctor and didn’t mince his words. I like that He was of Spanish origin. The NHS was definitely better for having him in it.
He was true to his word and woke me up two days later on Christmas Day. Later in the day he asked me if I wanted an ice cream. This fantastic doctor went and got me some whippy ice cream in a carton and came back and fed me some. It was the best Christmas present ever!
From then the slow and long road to recovery began. I’ll tell you more about that in the next blog post. I’d like to finish this one by saying a huge thank you to all the nurses, doctors, radiographers, HCA’s, physios, dieticians, OT’s, psychologist, cleaners and porters. I’ve probably missed some but you were all amazing and saved my life without a date one more time How can I ever repay that…
