We all have our limitations

One day my bleep went off and I was asked to go to a ward where a 53 year old woman was dying. I arrived at the ward and found out that the woman was in a side room. I was just about to enter the room when a nurse warned me that the patient had head and body lice. I had no time to digest this information as I literally had my hand on the door. I walked in and there was a small woman in the bed, completely covered and with a couple of towels around her head. In the room was her husband and her son and daughter from a previous relationship. I spent sometime talking to them. They seemed to be uncomfortable talking to me. I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that this was because of my clerical collar. It does put some people off. I then feel it’s my job to get over that barrier.

I got them to tell me what had been going on and all I was told was that the woman had had a stroke. I asked them if they wanted me to say some prayers. They said they did so I said my prayers and blessed and anointed the woman as well as inviting them to anoint their loved one. I placed my hand on her head and made the sign of the cross on her forehead. I was acutely aware that this woman would not be touched by many, who would fear catching the head and body lice from her. I just think what if that was someone I loved. I’d want them touched or even what if it was me because, there but for the grace of God.

This woman took about a week to die. During that time I also got to meet her 15 year old son. The family started to talk to me in a more relaxed way.

 

After she died I had a phone call from the undertakers asking me to do the funeral. I’d had no indication from the family that this was what they wanted so I was surprised. I rang the family to make the arrangements for the funeral and was relieved when they said they’d prefer to come and see me at the office rather than me go to their house.

 

I try to be loving and open to everyone I meet but I would have found it difficult to concentrate in an unclean home. Actually it's not so much the cleanliness but bad smells that challenge me. We all have our limitations and I’m aware that that is one of mine.

The husband and youngest son came to see me at work. I got all the info I needed as we chatted over a cuppa. Compared to how they were when we first me they were now quite chatty.

After they left I had to open all the windows. I really felt for the son. He must get bullied at school because of his dishevelled appearance as well as the strong smell of cats. How far does my role extend in these circumstances? Should I point out that they smell? Is it appropriate before the funeral? I decided I needed to get through the funeral and see what happened after that.

The funeral went well but I have never seen the family since then. Did I wimp out but not tackling some of the presenting issues? Probably, but I guess we all have things we could do better.

Will there be LGBT people in heaven? Absolutely!

One day while I was wandering through a ward a man stopped me and asked if he could talk to me. I pulled up a chair and he told me he was an alcoholic. He said he wanted to stop drinking and needed some support. I listened as his story unfolded.

I have lots of experience with alcoholics as my dad and sister both died from alcohol related diseases. It is fairly unusual for an alcoholic to ask for help. This man seemed genuine in his desire to seek help. He told me he had been to AA but not found it helpful. When I pushed him as to why not he finally told me he was gay and felt he wasn’t properly understood. I said that I would find him some local organisations that he could go to and come back with the info.

I was able to find a local gay and lesbian group that ran various support groups as well as a generic counselling service. I rang them to check that this man would be able to use their groups. The man I spoke to was very surprised that a “vicar” was aware of their group and willing to make a referral. When I checked why he was surprised, he told me the only thing they ever got from religious people was hate mail. I explained to him that I thought that sort of behaviour was unacceptable and based on dodgy theology and not all Christians are bigoted. He said he was pleased to talk to someone who was so ordinary.

I think the Church and Christian’s should be ashamed of themselves for giving such a negative view. Jesus only every preached love. Where’s the love in bigotry? Those of you reading this that are not Christian, please don't judge God based on the behaviour of Christians who say you're on the outside only people like me are allowed in. What I have to say to those Christians who preach hatred and bigotry is if you don't like the company you are in here on earth you are not going to like heaven either. Hadn't you noticed the crowd that Jesus knocked about with? Any way enough of my rant...

When I went back to the patient, he was overwhelmed that I had found a support group for him and that it was for gay men. He started to cry. When he had composed himself I told him he had to do all the hard work, all I had done was provide the information. He was being discharged that day, so I wished him well and reminded him that today was the first day of his recovery. He promised me he was going to do it and get the help he needed. I said he needed to make that promise to himself. I gave him a hug and said he had all the answers inside of him and not to be afraid to listen to that still small voice.

I wonder what happened to him?I can only hope that he found the love, support and acceptence that he so badly needed.