Why should I clean up my room when the world is in such a mess?

It's been far too long since I posted here. Sorry about that.

It's been a tragic time. Watching the news yesterday required a far amount of fortitude. The awful slaying and maiming of innocent people in Tunisia, France and Kuwait has been hard to watch, even from afar.

Already we have had a lot of talk about the 10th anniversary of 7/7. Lot's of people who were bereaved then or hurt and injured whether physically or psychologically are already preparing for the hurt to come crashing over them again because anniversaries are always painful. Then we have this happening on top

10 years ago on 7/7 I spent the night with a friend in Derby. She was dying and I had been supporting her for a couple of years. It was to prove to be the last time I saw my friend. I came back the next day. I was alone on the only train that came into London. Once I got back I then discovered there was no London transport. The streets were eerily silent. I had people on the end of my mobile trying to help me navigate my way through the streets. Every time I thought I was getting close to where I wanted to be there would be a police cordon blocking my way. What should have been a couple of miles turned into a mammoth hike. My pain was nothing compared to the victims.

When my daughter was little I got her a t-shirt from a festival I was at that said "Why should I tidy up my room when the world is in a mess?" It can feel like that for all of us. We may be adults but we just don't know what to do when ISOL seems to be creating so much fear and destruction. When austerity measures target the poor more harshly than the rich. When the Eurozone seems so uncertain.

It can all feel too much and then what happens is we turn on each other or blame those who are blameless and that plays right into the hands of those with power or the terrorists. People often ask priests to speak out at times of national sadness or to make sense of difficult situations. That's one of the most challenging things about public office so please accept my humble thoughts as a way of looking at these horrors but not feeling totally impotent in how we tackle them.

Earlier I was in discussion about some complex issues. A young woman who was very troubled ended up having sex with her boyfriends father. She was only 15/16. Her uncle found out and went mad at the girl and went round to the blokes house to punch his lights out. This man that had inappropriately had sex, as far as I'm concerned, filled the uncles head with lies saying that the girl was wild and it was all because of the abuse she had suffered at her own fathers hands. When the uncle went back to the girl and started questioning her about it, he was kinder and less mad at her. She went along with the lie to keep him off her back and before she knew it, it had got out of hand. It created a horrible problem in the girls family and was years before she admitted the truth. 10 years on the family are all ok with each other and have worked through their issues. the vulnerable teenager has turned into a well adjusted and confident young woman. Some stories do have a happy ending.

Why on earth have I told you all that? Many people would be looking at the girls behaviour and thinking how despicable it is. While I do not condone what she did, she was a minor. How many of you have already forgotten about her boyfriends dad? That man groomed a vulnerable teenager while she was away from home on holiday. Not only did he groom her, he then had sex with her despite being over twice her age. His final act of sabotage on this young woman's life was to tell the lie that further estranged her from her family and took the heat completely off him. Abusers are so clever and know how to manipulate people. We have to be aware of that and be more clever. That young woman just needed to feel safe enough and loved enough to admit the great big hole she dug for herself by going along with the "abusers" lie.

Time and time again I hear people bagging out Muslims because of the actions of terrorists. When I was a kid it was Christians blowing each other to pieces and shooting each other. I don't accept that those people were Christian who used violence and fear and intimidation in that way. They were just violent thugs. What would Jesus do and what did he do? His ministry was all about love and releasing people from tyranny peacefully. Islam is also a peaceful religion. It is profoundly sad that these terrorists are not seen in the same way as the Catholics and the Protestants but that instead all Muslims are tarred with the same brush.

The young woman I was talking about is also indicative of the young people that leave the UK to go and fight for ISOL. They have been groomed by an abuser. They have been fed a pack of lies and had their vulnerabilities exploited. Maybe some of them are living with too much harshness in their lives. maybe too much pressure or maybe it's just because they are young and impressionable.

It's an awful situation and again takes us back to my daughters t-shirt why should we care when tidying up our room is miniscule compared to the rest of the world. The thing is I was an abused child and I know the difference that people reaching out in love can make. It could have so easily been different story. I could have totally gone off the rails because of my vulnerability. I was lucky I met the right people at the right time and they made an enormous difference to my life. I in turn am trying to repay the favour. I try to make a little bit of difference. The name of my blog comes from that "where angels fear to tread"  That's because I never back out of horrible situations. If someone needs me to hold their hand and offer them some love I will. Fortunately I have a never ending supply as I ask God to channel that agape love through me because I couldn't do it all on my own.

There is a poem I love and it sums up my ministry. If all of us had this pinned up in our houses and tried to run our houses along these lines I think the world would be a better place. Sure horrible things will still happen, like loved ones getting cancer, and tragic accidents and even terror attacks but there will be less broken people around because every time something awful happens an angel will turn up to help.

I hope these jumbled thoughts and random bringing together of different events encourages a few more angels to develop their wings.

This blog is dedicated to all who lost their lives in yesterdays atrocities and to all who mourn their loss

Here is that poem

A People Place
If this is not a place where tears are understood,
Where do I go to cry?
If this is not a place where my spirits can take wing,
Where do I go to fly?
If this is not a place where my questions can be asked,
Where do I go to seek?
If this is not a place where my feelings can be heard,
Where do I go to speak?
If this is not a place where you’ll accept me as I am,
Where can I go to be?
If this is not a place where I can try to learn and grow,
Where can I be just me?

William J Crockett

Rebel Rev bring two passions together, theology and domestic abuse in a challenging sermon for International Women's Day

May my words be in the name of the living God creating, redeeming and sustaining. Amen.

Thank you for inviting me back to your lovely community and church. I hope all goes well as Joyce leaves you for a few months and comes back as the vicar.

Thank you for your prayers for our school. I’m pleased to say that St Augustine Academy is thriving. We are officially good in al areas and are full in year 7 for the first time. That is an amazing achievement since we only took over in Sept 11.

I love working with children and young people. We had a great day at Diocesan Synod yesterday looking at the variety of ways we engage with our young people. It was challenging and informative and full of energy. It’s important to remember that our children are the church of the present and if we get it wrong they won’t be the church of the future. We were all encouraged to do the conversations differently and really listen to our young people and give them some responsibility.

Children say the funniest things. In a research project with primary school children the following statements about what love is were made.

“Love is when a boy puts on aftershave and a girl puts on perfume and they go out and smell each other.”

“Love is when you kiss all the time and when you get tired of kissing you talk to each other”

“Love is when a girls eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of them”

“When you love someone the way you speak is different. When they say your name you know that it is safe in their mouth”

“Love is when mummy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it’s gross”

Did you know that today is International Women’s Day? It’s great to have a day when we celebrate the achievements of women which in general around the world are still under acknowledged. I have to look for 3 quotes each week and it is hard finding quotes on the various themes in the school that are written by women. There is still much work needed to created true equality.

I remember I went on a Barnardo’s course on child prostitution once and this little quote really hit me. “Some things have to be believedto be seen” “Some things have to be believed to be seen” I guess it hit me because it’s the reverse of what Jesus says to Thomas. If you don’t believe that domestic abuse is happening here in this church, then you won’t see it. If you don’t believe any of your friends or families are in abusive relationships, then you won’t see it. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, and in all kinds of relationships - heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. People suffer domestic abuse regardless of their gender, social group, class, age, race, disability, religion, sexuality or lifestyle. The abuse can begin at any time either in new relationships or after many years spent together.

I have been associated with the field of domestic abuse for over 20 years. I have worked in women’s refuges, managed women’s centres been on various management committees and helped set up the first ever women refuge in Slovenia. 

When I speak about domestic abuse I do not use gender neutral language because to do so would deny the reality of the situation. I talk about men as the perpetrators and women and the survivors of abuse because statistically speaking, and overwhelmingly so, that is the case. The danger in doing that is that some of you may be sitting there thinking “but what about men who experience abuse?” I accept and agree that men also experience abuse. The good practise that I outline applies to whoever is experiencing and whoever is perpetrating the abuse.

The next area for us to be clear on is what is the definition of domestic abuse? I was in Southwark Diocese before I came here. I helped them with their policy and definition. This is what we came up with:

All forms of domestic abuse cause damage to the survivor, particularly to their self esteem, and express an imbalance in power in the relationship. Abuse can on rare occasions happen only once, but usually it is a systematic, repeated and often escalating pattern of behaviour by which the abuser seeks to control, limit and humiliate, often behind closed doors. Abusive behaviour can take many forms, and the following examples are not exhaustive.

Physical, psychological and emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual or neglect and isolation.

Ok having laid some groundwork let’s look at the reality. If anything I say touches a nerve for you please see me afterwards

If you've never experienced domestic abuse it can be difficult to imagine just what those affected have to go through. 

We all know what a bully is...

• Imagine living with a bully all the time, but being too scared to leave.

• Imagine being afraid to go to sleep at night, being afraid to wake up in the morning.

• Imagine being denied food, warmth or sleep.

• Imagine being punched, slapped, hit, bitten, pinched and kicked.

• Imagine being pushed, shoved, burnt, strangled, raped, beaten.

• Imagine having to seek permission to go out, to see your friends or your family or to give your children a treat.

• Imagine that you believe what they tell you - that it's your fault. That if only you were a better mother, lover, housekeeper, kept your mouth shut, could only keep the children quiet, dressed how they liked you to, kept in shape, gave up your job - somehow things would get better.  

• Imagine being constantly told you’re ugly, useless, fat, no one would ever want you, that you would not be able to cope without him.  

• Imagine their threats if you dare to say you will leave. How could you ever find the strength to leave? Will you ever be safe again?

• Imagine threats to find and kill you and your children, wherever you go.

• Imagine permanent injuries and sometimes death.

•  

That is the reality that 1 in 4 women live with during their lifetime. In this country alone 2 women are killed every week by a current or former partner. Of those women that are killed 75% are killed at or around the time of leaving, so leaving is a very dangerous thing to do. 

Many people ask me why do women stay in these relationships? I think that’s the wrong question because it puts the responsibility on her, we should be asking why does he do it? But going back to the original question, when a woman leaves we’ve already discovered this is the most dangerous time. What she gains from leaving is an immediate loss of her house and possessions. Maybe she has to leave her children behind, she loses her status, her pets. She loses her local support as often for safety reasons she needs to move away. Her children have to change school. She also loses the man she fell in love with because she fell in love with a charmer not an abuser.

What she gains is a heightened risk of attack, financial worries, lack of security of tenure for a while, as refuges and hostels can keep women for up to 2 years sometimes before they go into a permanent housing. Stop I hear you cry, what about all the positives she gains. Yes she does regain her freedom and independence, her self esteem and confidence but they all take years to build up whereas her losses are immediate.

As I said it’s a complex subject, it’s not just as simple as why doesn’t she leave.

On top of all that we have a load of well meaning Christians as well as a few dodgy ones propping up the abusive situation using verses like these:

1 Tim 2: 11-14

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man. She must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 

Ephesians 5:22-24 

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

There are hundreds or verses like this in the bible but that’s only looking at it from one perspective and not seeing it as the historical document of its time and context. In our reading this morning we have Paul talking about our wisdom is nothing compared to God’s foolishness. Let’s try and be wise and have a new conversation now about some of these issues. Bishop Trevor was very challenging about the need for certain conversations to be had in order for the church to survive. Wouldn’t it be good if we put our listening ears on, like I say to my grandchildren, and see the world through God’s wisdom.

So ok let’s have a look at a few other verses and see what’s there:

I Corinthians 16:19 

The churches of Asia salute you. Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church that is in their house. 

Galatians 3:27-28 

For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 

These are just a few verses that can be used to counteract some of the other verses. I did an exercise in the school where I used to bechaplain. Lots of people used to wear those WWJD bracelets but I asked the students to tell me “What did Jesus do” and of course I got a great big list of things like, ate with sinners, spoke to women, didn’t judge, taught people and was hospitable, never judged anyone, loved everyone. At the end I told them to go and do the same. Wouldn’t our churches be great places if we did that too and based ourselves on what Jesus did and then argue about all the conflicting scriptural verses when we get to heaven and meet the various authors?

As I finish off I’d like to give you a few really important do’s and don’ts when working with people affected by domestic abuse.

Do…

•​approach her about the abuse in a sensitive way, for example ​by saying, ‘I’m worried about you because…’

•​believe what she tells you: it will have taken a lot for her to talk ​to you and trust you. You will only hear the tip of the iceberg at ​first

•​take the abuse seriously. 

•​focus on her safety: talk to her about it and how she could ​​protect herself 

•​help her to understand that the abuse is not her fault and that ​no-one deserves to be abused, no matter what they do

• take your safeguarding policy seriously and adopt it

• inform yourselves

 

Remember: if you feel overwhelmed or frightened yourself, get help.

Don’t…

•​blame her or ask judgemental questions such as, ‘What did ​you do to make him treat you like that?’ or ‘Why don’t you just ​break up with him?’ 

• focus on trying to work out the abuser’s reasons for the abuse. 

• try and listen and mediate to both parties

• recommend anger management for the abuser. He manages his anger very well. His boss annoys him then he comes home and hits his partner where it doesn’t show

 

Even though I became quite senior in the secular work I was doing in relation to domestic abuse, I always insisted on doing some face to face and group work. Although this was disconcerting at first to my colleagues, they soon got used to “the boss” working with them.

For two years there was an overlap between my theological education and being the manager of a large women’s centre. I was really glad to have the challenge of working out my theology in this context. 

One of the women I was supporting was extremely religious and took her marriage vows really seriously. She felt she couldn’t leave her abusive husband because of the vows she had made in church. I tried to reassure her that her husband had broken the covenant of the marriage by the use of his violence towards her. She was having none of it. She told me her husband was the head of the household and she must submit to him. I urged her to read further into St Paul’s words and that it also says that husbands should look after their wives. Again she wasn’t convinced. 

 

Sometimes she was so sad that tears seemed to plop straight out of her eyes without even touching her cheeks. At times like that I’d reassure her with those lovely words from Romans 8 about nothing separating us from the love of God. 

 

One day she came to see me and had obviously taken a beating the night before. I wanted to take over and tell her what to do I was so outraged. In as calm a voice as I could manage I asked her how long she was going to put up with this. She told me that her husband had begged her to forgive him and reminded her that the Bible says you must forgive. 

 

I then spoke to the woman that true forgiveness requires real repentance and it’s through that that we can be reconciled. She still kept saying but the bible says I must forgive 70x7 and that I must turn the other cheek. I then found out that the Pastor in their church had been working with both parties and told her she must be a dutiful wife and not provoke him and that he (the pastor) would help the husband with his anger management.

 

I think at that point I needed anger management and I prayed very hard for God to help me out. During my studies, at the time, we’d been looking at marriage and the most common reading during wedding ceremonies, which of course we all know, is 1 Corinthians 13. I got my bible out at this passage and said to her this was the passage that most people had in their marriage service and was a good passage for Christian marriage to be built on. She agreed. I then asked her to read it out loud but every time she came across the word love she was to substitute her husband’s name.

That would change the reading from this:

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

To this:

Abuse is patient; abuse is kind; abuse is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude...

It was that simple substitution of his name that made this woman see that her husband wasn’t doing his bit in the marriage and it was his abuse that had broken the covenant of the marriage. He also wasn’t living with the most important Christian virtue of love. She clung to me as I reassured her that it would be alright. She stayed while I found her refuge accommodation and arranged a police escort so she could pick up her belongings.

 

I hope and pray that more of us can give away that love which means we can all have life and have it abundantly. Amen.

 

Remembrace and war and peace

It's been a while since I posted. I need to think about what to start posting about in future.

I went to see the poppies at the Tower of London this weekend. I was moved by the representation of all that bloodshed. For me there is no such thing as an unwounded soldier.

My father fought in WW2. My father-in-law is German and was sent to the front by Hitler when he was only 14. He was captured by the British and held as a prisoner of war. At the end of the war he was sent home to his mother. Strange that in my family I have both sides.

My grandfather was in the trenches during WW1. Sadly he was gassed and this affected him for the rest of his life. He was a lovely man and looked after me as a small child. He died as a result of his war injury when I was only 4. I sometimes wonder if he'd have lived would he have been able to do anything about the violent alcoholic that my father turned into. Did my dad become that way because of his war experience? I'll never truly know the answers to these questions but it makes me realise that I too am a victim in some way of both wars. Maybe that is why I am so dedicated to peace.

The following is a sermon I wrote last year when I was preaching at a church I had not been to before.

May my words be in the name of the living God, creating, redeeming and sustaining. Amen.

Thank you for inviting me to take your service here today. I bring greetings from all at St Augustine Academy and we are proud to be a secondary school serving your community. I know you have at least one of our students here and I thank you for bringing Matthew to confirmation.

When I agreed to take today’s service I didn’t notice the date, just the gap in my diary. For me Remembrance Sunday is always challenging. I hope you will also share my sense of challenge.

For my text this morning I’d like us to concentrate on that last verse of our gospel reading “Now he is a God not of the dead, but of the living, for to him all of them are alive.”

Those of us who are living have an awesome responsibility. When I was at school we learned about many wars and lots of people who had died. I remember being really moved by the poetry of Wilfred Owen, who wrote his poems from the trenches. We were often clear about who were the “good” people as history is nearly always written by the winners of war. Where has all that education lead me too? How have I made sense of all of that in the context of living out my theology and my understanding of the gospel message? Well, I have come to the conclusion that war is a

messy, bloody and destructive affair. War doesn’t decide who is right, just who is left! Neither side is justified in its actions. There are atrocities committed by all armies of the world.

Several years ago I went to Berlin and I visited Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp. It had a profound effect on me. On the train on the way back into the city after the trip I was chatting with the tour guide. He was an ex-military man He had been quite senior but now was anti-war and working to promote peace. We had a spirited discussion. One of the things that he said that really stuck in my mind was “What if wars were fought by the politicians and leaders who started the war rather than the soldiers who really could see no difference between them and the other side?” He told me that military strategists learn from war but politicians do not.

Today very little contact is needed to wage war. The “Cold War” which frightened a whole generation was based on the fear of pressing a “button” and that there were satellites at the fingertips of the leaders. If we are honest many of us still carry that fear today.

The 1st world war was meant to be the war that ended all wars. Then the 2nd world war would hopefully do that. I recently found out that the only year a British soldier hasn’t been killed since the end of the war is 1967. I find that astounding and disturbing. It’s like we are almost guaranteed war and conflict. Why is that?

Today we feel so distant from war. We sit in the comfort of our front rooms and watch the sky light up in war torn areas on our TV’s, giving little or no thought to the people who lives are snuffed out by that flash of light over the shoulder of the newscaster.

So what can we do?  How do we work towards peace? How can this world find an alternative to bearing arms in the name of peace and still fight for something so dear? We may be many miles from the nearest war but it is a part of our everyday life. We hear of war every day on the news. Some of you may also have family in the army which brings the threat very close to home.

I think there is a biblical basis for non-violent Peace building? We can use the New Testament as our basis. “Love your enemy” is one I always remember. Another is “Love each other as I have loved you” There are loads. I’m sure you could all think of your own texts.

Peace is often thought about as the absence of war. But it’s more than that. It requires an active participation from us. Like the peace and justice work carried out in South Africa by the truth and reconciliation commission set up by Archbishop Tutu. Or those that work for restorative justice services bringing together prisoners and their victims in this country. The anti-violence workers who go into schools and teach young people about equal and loving relationships. The list is actually endless. Are you on it?

Here are a few examples of modern day peace builders:

In Hebron after Israeli forces demolished the Al-Attrash home for the third time, the family, their friends and supporters peacefully resisted the uncalled for use of force and told the soldiers, “Don’t worry, we’ll build another one.”

The doctor who lost 5 members of his family to an attack on his home who works in a hospital bringing hope and healing to all who come through the door of whatever side and has written a book called “Thou shall not hate”.

The activists and the women who camped out at Greenham Common and the Iona community members currently demonstrating against Trident to say nuclear weapons are wrong.

The children in my school who walk away from conflict.

While war is definitely the opposite of peace and is never desirable, peace has a broader meaning. Peace is the mutual emotion of good will between two or more parties. This is true whether it be on the level of a relationship between couples or the relationship between countries. It is interesting to compare these two different sorts of relationships.

How long would a marriage last if the only reason the couple was not fighting and arguing was because the one of them had a large bat and was prepared to use it on the other’s head if they stepped out of line? Of course, we say, the relationship couldn’t last with all of that tension. So why do we think that international relations are any different? Are people really that different as a group than they are individually? Do the emotions of fear, anxiety and anger change because an individual is threatened by the military machine instead of a cricket bat? I don’t believe there is a difference.

The use of force is like putting a plaster on a severed artery. That kind of so called “peace” can last only as long as the dominant party remains strong and has the will to use its power. This has become overwhelmingly clear in the power struggle between Iraq, Afghanistan and America and Britain over the course of this last decade.

The result of security being based on the use of force is that the violence trickles down (or up) into our everyday society. Just look at the headlines of our daily papers and we quickly see many violent stories. I truly believe that violence just creates more violence.

So how can we begin building peace within ourselves? We need to look at Jesus’ example and like him preach love to a warring world.  We as peace building Christians have a responsibility to spread our peace into this violence and into a hurt and scarred world.

A Chaplain colleague will tell his school this next week.

Shortly we will remember the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918. And so ended a war they called “great”. Estimates of between 9 million and 16 million soldiers and civilians from both sides died of war related causes in a space of four years. This was “the war to end all wars”. But history shows that we don’t learn from history.

We keep on remembering but then we keep on forgetting. Names of countries cry out war. Afghanistan, Iraq, Kuwait, Democratic Republic of Congo, Sudan, Somalia, Rwanda, The Falkland Islands, The Former Yugoslavia, Burma, Vietnam, Korea the list goes on. Men, Woman and children taking last steps on this earth before a bomb or bullet or booby trap or blow, snuffs out the life of another brother or mother or father or daughter or son.

So it is correct that we remember this week those that have passed on as a result of war. The selfless sacrifice and the senseless slaughter. The faces of the known and unknown. The dead, the dying and the ones that carry the scars both physical and emotional. The conscientious objectors shot for cowardice. The millions of unnamed women and children who are deemed collateral damage. It is right that we remember them all.

In our red poppies we remember those lost in wars past and present but in our white poppies we hold on to the hope of peace. A peace that passes all understanding. You won’t find that kind of peace in the latest game of Call of Duty or in the clenched fist before a fight. You have to find it within and then speak it out.

“Blessed are the peacemakers” Jesus once said “for they shall inherit the earth”. The military and politicians are fighting over the earth. Will the peacemakers win? Maybe it’s up to us to bring out the peace and kill off the war.

I started with that text from the gospel and I want to end with it because we must remember and learn from all who have gone before us and have died, especially the peacemakers. “Now he is a God not of the dead, but of the living, for to him all of them are alive.” Amen.

The Canaanite woman and Vicky Beeching

May my words be in the name of the living God, creating, redeeming and sustaining. Amen

 

The world feels in a bit of a mess just now with what is going on in Gaza, Iraq, Syria, Africa to name but a few. Yesterday we had the sad situation of someone dying in a container full of people being trafficked. My daughter had a t-shirt that I picked up at some festival or another years ago when she was a child that said “why should I tidy my room when the world is in such a mess” It can feel a bit like that. It’s like saying I’m alright it’s them!

 

Many of us, in fact, don’t feel comfortable when we are among people we don’t know? Visiting a new church can be nerve wracking, unless we are extremely extroverted. Going into a pub alone to meet mates can make us feel all insecure. We might deliberately be late so that they get there first and there is a familiar face amongst all those strangers.

 

Even within our own country, which I think is a pretty good one and quite accepting of the diversity of life, we find cultural and ethnic differences that may challenge the best of us.

 

What I’ve realised about many of us is it’s easier to be caring from a distance. Giving to charities to help other people in need is a vital and good thing to do, but it is perhaps made easier because we don’t have to rub shoulders with the people we are helping. The people we are “different”from. If we volunteer in a second hand shop or help feed the needy via donating to the local food bank, we can sit back and give ourselves a pat. What would it be like if we actually had to share a meal though and look at someone in the eye and share their pain.

 

Have you ever noticed when 2 people are rowing they don’t look at each other. They often sit with their arms folded and slightly turned away and from that position they hurl poisoned words not seeing the hurt and pain as these barbed comments hit home. It’s much harder to hurt someone if you actually look at them.

 

In the gospel today, Jesus has a discussion about the way we think. He points out that what we say, perhaps how we act toward others is much more indicative of how we think than keeping certain religious rules about what we eat or drink.

 

It seems his comments offended the pious. It reminds me of the story Jesus told of the pious person who went into the temple to pray. He stood there in the attitude of prayer and said, “Thank God I am not like other people.” It would be dreadfully offensive if we said, “Thank God I am not black or gay or homeless or a refugee.” Yet we do find ourselves thinking such things as we watch the news or engage in heated conversations about those people who don’t agree with our politics or religion or social attitudes. It makes it worse when we are sure we are right and they are wrong. Being bigoted against bigots is no virtue!

 

This week a young theologian called VickyBeeching came out. She was raised in the evangelical tradition. She realised her sexuality as a teenager but had to bury it because it was against her faith. On one occasion she went forward and confessed to these feelings. She was prayed for and several people surrounded her and laid hands on her for the demon of homosexuality to be removed. Of course that didn’t happen because Vicky was made the way she was and is wonderfully and fearfully made in the words of my favourite Psalm. Problem is she didn’t feel it and had all these internalised homophobic messages. She dealt with it by studying hard and got to Oxford. After uni she went to the States because she is an accomplished song writer and musician and she was signed by EMI and placed in the bible belt. This did nothing to help her come to terms with who she is. Unfortunately she got seriously ill and had to come home and finally this week at the age of 35 she was able to be honest about who she is for the first time. I think the church should hang it’s head in shame and ask for God’s mercy.

 

The head of the C of E’s communication a fellacalled Arun Auora tweeted that Vicky was welcome in the C of E where we are all broken. I was incensed. How would you like it if someone said that you were welcome here at St Saviour’s as a heterosexual because all are broken?People’s sexuality is not a sin, it is not a matter of being broken  and I am so frustrated that I can’t get the Church to put its listening ears on which is what I say to my grandkids when they are not paying attention.

 

The gospel today goes on to tell a story about Jesus leaving his homeland and going into what we would now call Lebanon. There are only two recorded occasions when Jesus leaves Jewish territory.

 

There was a long-standing ethnic feud between the people of the Holy Land and the people of Lebanon. As we know there still is, so this might well be a modern day story.

 

Jesus is approached by a local woman who wants him to heal her daughter. This woman would have been considered a Pagan by the Jewish people. In fact this woman worse than a Samaritan because of where she came from, and we know that the Samaritans were barely tolerated by the Jews of that time. The Israelites called these people “dogs.” And remember that dogs didn’t enjoy the privileged place in society then as they do for many people now.

 

It was obvious that the woman was desperate. She would have been brought up to despise Jews. She risked being rebuffed and insulted. Have you ever had a moment where you have been so desperate that you felt impelled to step out of your safety zone?

 

Jesus tests the woman and uses the common racial slur. “We don’t give dogs human food.”Jesus is not merely saying that dogs shouldn’t beg at a table. He is using a dreadful slur. Is he doing it to test the faith of the woman? We may find that shocking. He is testing the boundaries that have been set. The woman is desperate, but can she, is she able, to step through the pride and prejudice that exist in her and her daughter as well as the disciples around her and reach the point of acceptance and healing?

 

Yes, Jesus comes to us, but we also must make that step of faith toward him.

 

The woman replies with some good humour. That could indicate that Jesus, although saying some harsh things was doing it with a sense of bantering. We will never know and I still find this a challenging and hard Gospel to understand.Anyway getting back to the woman.  She points out that even dogs get the scraps that fall from a table. Jesus tells her that her trust and faith has made it possible for her daughter to be healed. In this act the woman is being an advocate for her daughter. It is in this that I can get really excited.Ain’t it great that we may become “go-betweens” for others and be the means by which God’s gift of healing and transforming love may be extended to others. Mother Theresa once said that she was merely a little pencil that God wrote his love messages with around the world.

 

All too often our prayers are safe. They are prayers at a distance. They cost us little. They trip off the tongue at bedtime or even in church when that long list of sick people is read during the Intercessions or we pray through the news and these tough situations nationally and internationally. Prayers are important but what would happen if we truly felt the pain of those we pray for?

 

When Jesus says that if we are to follow him we must carry our cross, he invites us into uncomfortable, painful, and hurting places where those who need our prayers live. He invites us out of our comfort zones. He invites us to experience the tragedy and hurt that people suffer. He invites us to be with those who may be called “dogs,” or think of themselves as “dogs” – unclean, apart, perhaps at the bottom of the social or class ladder, or perhaps “apart” because of their lifestyle or habits. To feel the pain and anguish of Vicky’s journey to freedom and coming out knowing that we have been a part of the establishment that has hurt her and scores of others so badly

 

The woman from the region of Tyre and Sidon came to Jesus where he was. He also came to her. They met and exchanged barbed words, and someone was healed. Here is an extraordinary example of reconciliation and grace. The Church of England and other Christian denominationscould learn a lot from the message at the heart of this Gospel.

 

It is clear that none of us has the strength to reach out beyond our comfort zones on our own. Yet at the communion table open for each of us so regularly, we step from our own comfortableworld into the unknown and places of hurt where Jesus is and he feeds us with more than crumbs or scraps. We receive him. We live in him and he lives in us. The question remains, for who is our encounter with God intended? Is it intended for another, a person who may live in a place or have an experience outside the normal routine of our life, or whose habits or lifestyle may offend us greatly?

 

Perhaps in this holy place, this day we can think of a group, or a person who cries out to be healed in one way or another. Dare we step out to the table at which Jesus sits and beg for his aid? Dare we be a channel of healing and love to that other person or group who, too, belong to God and for whom Jesus died?

 

Amen

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