Precious hugs that speak a 1000 words

The 2nd woman I met in that paerticular week of amazing women was someone who knew she was dying. She was in her 50’s and had 3 different primary cancers. I have never known that in anyone else. Despite the really awful hand that had been dealt her, she was amazingly pragmatic and positive. She wanted to know from me if she could have a funeral service in church even though she was an atheist. The reason she wanted to be in church was because she was a professional singer and had sung in churches and cathedrals all her life, as had her long term partner.

As a hospital chaplain I am used to having unusual requests made of me. Parish clergy are slightly different because they generally meet the needs of a Christian community or those who nominally want a Christian service. I was hoping I’d be able to find a local vicar who’d be able to cope with this slightly unusual request. One vicar I spoke to said he couldn’t carry out their request in all conscience, that there would have to be prayers and a Christian commendation. He also didn’t feel comfortable letting someone else take the service. I wasn’t deterred though and did find someone, who is the vicar of a lovely local church that has a high ceiling and would have good acoustics. I was really pleased to be able to go back to the family and say I’d found someone who could accommodate their wishes. During the couple of days that it took me to sort this out, I had several conversations with the family which included partner, daughter and mother. All were very open about what was happening. They asked me all sorts of very practical questions. The whole time they were doing this they were physically in contact with each other. I was incredibly impressed by them and gave the patient a copy of a poem and wrote a note on it to say she had my utmost respect for the way she was facing her death.

I went to say goodbye to them the day they left hospital. They were taking this wonderful woman home to die. They knew that I was shortly to leave the Trust and they said it was a shame because they were thinking about asking me to take the funeral. I thanked them for being so open with me about everything and wished them well as a family for what was to come. The patient was laying in bed looking frail. It nearly brought a lump to my throat when, with a huge effort she sat up and reached to the end of the bed where I was standing to give me a hug. That was one of the most precious hugs I’ve received and given. Aren’t there some amazing people in the world?