Can you hear me?

The following month brought along its own set of challenges. One of these challenges came in the form of a dying grandmother. I was called to the ward to anoint her and say some prayers at the families request. The son was hearing impaired and had a friend who would translate for him, his dying mother was also hearing impaired. The granddaughter was the only hearing member of the family, therefore a lot of responsibility had fallen on her shoulders. It was obvious from my first meeting with this family that there were some deep tensions within it. I said my prayers and left the family.

I was called later that night by the ward. The patient had died and the family wouldn’t leave the ward or the body. The situation was becoming disruptive to the other patients and it was late and people needed to settle down to sleep for the night. When I arrived I went behind the curtains and said some more prayers. The granddaughter was very distressed. I took her outside for a cigarette. She told me she’d never been apart from her grandmother and how could she just leave her. I walked her over to the mortuary and sat her on the bench outside. This young woman poured her heart out to me. All the pain and discomfort that she had absorbed from life over the years came flooding out. I was able to listen  and to honour that pain for her and acknowledge it in a way that nobody before had done. I then pointed out that we were at the mortuary and this was where we would be bringing her grandmother and that she could come back at any time to sit with her. She seemed to take some comfort from this and we agreed to go back to the ward and say our goodbyes for now.

She communicated her intentions to her dad and he got quite agitated. The noises he made that accompanied his sign language were getting very loud. He was insistent that the doctor had said he had to wait for a certificate before he left. What in fact had been said was that he could come back and collect a certificate.

This taught me a valuable lesson about communicating with hearing impaired people. It is very easy for miscommunication to occur and therefore essential that information is checked to have been received correctly. It’s ok to ask for confirmation of what has just been said.

It took me two hours to get this family to the point of being able to leave the hospital. It was worth spending that time because they weren’t angry when they left and therefore didn’t bring any anger back with them.

I was asked to do the funeral and I felt it brought completion. I also felt the hospital was seen positively because I was able to be part of each painful stage of them laying their relative to rest.

A couple of days later I got called out twice in the same night. I was very tired after this experience and it was the beginning of me having to realise the importance of pacing yourself as a chaplain.