In at the deep end

I started work as a hospital chaplain in May 2005. My first impression was “Oh my God what have I done?” I felt I didn’t know anything or anyone. I felt useless. I couldn’t even find my way around the hospital.

I’m not sure how this changed or what brought about the change but my feelings did change and I soon found myself travelling the Emmaus road with many patients or relatives as well as the odd member of staff.

I have had many encounters but some of these encounters have been very significant and stick out for me in a different way. I’m sure all the encounters have been significant for the patients and relatives but there have been some that have touched me deeply. Part of writing this down is to try and work out why they touched me and what I have learned and taken away from these experiences.

I blessed my first dead baby in my first month of employment. The baby was still born to an 18 year old mother. What struck me about all of that was the care and attention given to the baby by the staff in the mortuary and the way the whole family loved and cherished this dead baby. The baby was wrapped in blankets while being held in order to ‘keep her warm’ Everyone had their photo taken with the baby including the other children in the family. It was very sad for the family but they were very open about the death. It wasn’t hidden as it so often is in English culture.

I was asked to take the funeral. It was the first time I’d ever had to take a baby or child’s funeral. I felt very humbled by the experience. It was really hard to write the funeral service because usually you can talk about the life that had been led and celebrate that life during the funeral service. This though, was a situation where there had been no life outside the womb. What was I going to say that would be helpful in that situation? Also how was I going to say it as the family had no faith or religion to speak of?

I felt the best thing to do was acknowledge those raw emotions, to honour those questions to which there are no easy answers. The family were very grateful and I felt privileged to have been through that experience with them and accompany them for a little while on their journey.