I really enjoyed the recent Women’s Euro’s. England had a fantastic tournament and I found the final quite emotional. For those that aren’t aware of my background, I played football from a very young age. At primary school I played with the boys as I was better than they were. I had short hair so they all thought I was a boy any way.
When I went to Plumstead Manor Secondary School I was not happy. My parents chose it as it was an all girls school, so no football. I agitated constantly about including football in the curriculum. I was very good at all sport so my PE teachers would have to listen to me going on and on about it. While I was doing this I played endless hours of football on Plumstead and Winns Common. In my final year 5th or year 11 depending on how old you are, they finally started playing football.
My parents had issues with alcohol and I spent a lot of time hanging about pubs and clubs. Sometimes if there was space in the car park or a spare blank wall I would kick the ball about. It gave me something to do while I waited. A bloke called Jim I think, saw me and said we have a girls team at our youth centre. So off I went to St Peter’s Woolwich and joined my first girls team. After this I went on to play for Millwall Lionesses and then Charlton.
Football gave me a release for all the pent up emotions I had because of my troubled home life. I used to imagine the ball was my dads head sometimes and took great delight in thumping it into the back of the net. I played on the right wing because I was so fast. When I ran down the wing with the wind whistling in my ears I felt free, like a bird floating on the air.
I played until my mid 30’s when I was diagnosed with the rare blood cancer myelo dysplastic syndrome. I was devastated not to be as physically active as I used to be. I ended up putting all my trophies and medals away as they made me feel sad when I looked at them. Eventually I gave myself a talking to and reminded myself that at least I’d had that experience in my life.
To keep me connected to the game I decided that every time I went on holiday I would buy the football shirt of that country. I have amassed quite a collection. When I’m watching international competitions I get all my shirts out and wear the strip of that country if I have it. It’s my way of not getting into the horrible tribal nature that happens in mens football. Football is a sport for all.
In my last job I discovered that a disability team was hiring our school sports hall for their training and practicing. I went along and was so impressed by what they were doing. I volunteered my time for a while. I also used to drive our school teams to their matches. I used to joke with the kids and say to them “how many school football teams have God on their side?” Lol. They loved it.
One day I decided to do a football based assembly on issues of equality. I was able to share Farah Williams story. She was homeless when she began her football career and no one else knew. She went on to play for England and was regularly commentating in the recent Euros. She is a fantastic ambassador for the homeless football teams and tournaments.
Football is so much more than the bad press it gets. I am so proud to have been part of the pioneers who paved the way for the women playing today. We were banished to council run pitches like Hackney Marshes or Clapham Common. We had to put up with sexist comments from blokes passing by. Some would say “We’re only waiting for you all to change your shirts at the end” We had to pay our own fare and subs train twice or 3 times a week as well as play matches. We took it in turns to wash the kit. The women today have a very different experience and I am so pleased to see the popularity it’s gaining.
I had to opportunity to go to one of the Lionesses match’s. Sadly because I am still shielding, I couldn’t go. I hope that at some point very soon I can get back to accessing live events and joining the rest of society. For now I live through the successes and lives of the people and friends around me far and wide. I’m proud to say that my eldest grandson got 2 A’s in his A levels. My daughter also had the good news of a new job today and the final thing to celebrate in that after a month of not only no bath but then no shower, I can finally stop handing pegs out at the door and get clean!
For those that aren’t so keen on football but like to follow my story of MDS and the transplant and GvHD journey, here’s my latest news. Over recent months I have reduced my steroids to the lowest maintenance dose. I have to stay on them for life due to adrenal insufficiency. I also had to take less of my immunosuppression because I was on a strong anti fungal drug for my lung infection. The two drugs didn’t mix well, hence the reduction. Sadly my immune system went crazy and I ended up getting psoriasis. I had this as a teenager but it went during my twenties. My sister Gail also has it. Hers has stayed with her. I used to have it on my elbows and knees and knuckles. This time it’s all over my torso front and back and up into my scalp. It’s being treated and is lessening. Also my immunosuppression is back to it’s usual level. Hopefully it will go in a few months.
Another challenge I’m facing is that without steroids I have no appetite. I was hoping it would have improved by now. At my heaviest on large doses of the drug I was 72kg. I didn’t recognise the face staring back to me in the mirror. Now I’m 48kg. Thats a bit too light though. Fingers crossed my appetite comes back. One of the advantages of the reduction of steroids is that I look more like myself again. When I was bigger as I said I didn’t recognise who was staring back to me in the reflection. I felt frumpy and old. Now I see my fit 17 years old self with 40 years of experience etched in my face. I may have the body of a 95 year old but weirdly I feel younger again. When I felt old and frumpy before, it just wasn’t me. I’ve always been little and slim as you can see in my footballing photos. It’s weird how these things get inside of you. I wouldn’t say I was vain and yet being bigger had an impact. It’s worth noting that and looking at why we all feel these insecurities. Are we comparing ourselves to airbrushed images? Are we succumbing to stereotypical images? I know there was nothing I could do about it. I know I needed that treatment. It didn’t stop me having my photo taken and going out and doing things because, fortunately for me, my self esteem is good. It’s healthy to acknowledge that disquiet though.
Where ever you are and whatever you are doing I wish you a good day. If it’s not so good a day, I send you all the love and hugs I can muster.
