Could you wake him up for me?

It's amazing how many awful things happen very late at night. One night after midnight I was called in by the A&E staff. A man in his late 40’s had suddenly died after a suspected heart attack. When I arrived I found his wife was in a state of denial and her only support was from a neighbour. The neighbour was doing a sterling job but I gently probed about other family members. She said she had no-one. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said “could you wake him up for me?” Initially I felt a bit stumped. I’d never been faced with such outright denial. I took my courage in my hands and gently told her that I couldn’t wake him up because he had died. She just said “Oh yes, I’d forgotten” I tried to engage her in a goodbye ritual but felt it was going over her head. I said some formal words nonetheless so at least she could hear them even if it wasn’t going in. I sat with her for a while. I felt totally inadequate. I just didn’t seem to be making any connection. After about an hour she decided she was going home for a cup of tea. I spoke briefly to the neighbour who assured me he would look after her.

Driving home I had to struggle with my feelings of inadequacy. As I got back into bed I “handed” the situation over to God. I felt better for that.

I later found out, through a colleague, that the woman was the same at the funeral visit and subsequent funeral. I wonder where she’s at now in her life?

That’s sometimes the difficulty with chaplaincy. In a parish situation you get the opportunity to continue the journey for longer with people. In the hospital I only get to accompany people for a short while and I often never get to know the end of the story.