The same night as the awful situation of non acceptance of the teenagers impending death, I was also called to a family whose elderly mother was dying. The daughter wanted me to pray for her mum but wanted me to wait until her mum was asleep in case seeing me worried her. I did as the family asked but I must confess it made me feel a little awkward.
While I’m in the hospital I never wear all black. I often have a brightly coloured jumper on, or a different coloured clerical shirt or trousers. The reason for this is so I don’t look like the “grim reaper” I do think it’s my job to put people at their ease and break down any barriers they may have. People will always make assumptions and have stereotypes about priests. Once people get to know me I know I challenge those misconceptions.
Getting back to this family I think the issue was more that they didn’t want their mum to know she was dying. She probably knew anyway and may have wanted some comfort for what she was facing. I had to abide by the families wishes but promised I would also look in the next day.
I did pop back several times before mum died. Mum’s impending death was never openly discussed. I think that is so sad. We need to get better about talking about death. We are all terminal. It will happen to all of us so why don’t we embrace it? I have planned my funeral and made my wishes known. It always helps families if the person dying has said whether they want burial or cremation and what kind of service. It’s much better to have a personal send off than one that could be for anyone, for example one where only the name is familiar.
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