We all have our limitations

One day my bleep went off and I was asked to go to a ward where a 53 year old woman was dying. I arrived at the ward and found out that the woman was in a side room. I was just about to enter the room when a nurse warned me that the patient had head and body lice. I had no time to digest this information as I literally had my hand on the door. I walked in and there was a small woman in the bed, completely covered and with a couple of towels around her head. In the room was her husband and her son and daughter from a previous relationship. I spent sometime talking to them. They seemed to be uncomfortable talking to me. I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that this was because of my clerical collar. It does put some people off. I then feel it’s my job to get over that barrier.

I got them to tell me what had been going on and all I was told was that the woman had had a stroke. I asked them if they wanted me to say some prayers. They said they did so I said my prayers and blessed and anointed the woman as well as inviting them to anoint their loved one. I placed my hand on her head and made the sign of the cross on her forehead. I was acutely aware that this woman would not be touched by many, who would fear catching the head and body lice from her. I just think what if that was someone I loved. I’d want them touched or even what if it was me because, there but for the grace of God.

This woman took about a week to die. During that time I also got to meet her 15 year old son. The family started to talk to me in a more relaxed way.

 

After she died I had a phone call from the undertakers asking me to do the funeral. I’d had no indication from the family that this was what they wanted so I was surprised. I rang the family to make the arrangements for the funeral and was relieved when they said they’d prefer to come and see me at the office rather than me go to their house.

 

I try to be loving and open to everyone I meet but I would have found it difficult to concentrate in an unclean home. Actually it's not so much the cleanliness but bad smells that challenge me. We all have our limitations and I’m aware that that is one of mine.

The husband and youngest son came to see me at work. I got all the info I needed as we chatted over a cuppa. Compared to how they were when we first me they were now quite chatty.

After they left I had to open all the windows. I really felt for the son. He must get bullied at school because of his dishevelled appearance as well as the strong smell of cats. How far does my role extend in these circumstances? Should I point out that they smell? Is it appropriate before the funeral? I decided I needed to get through the funeral and see what happened after that.

The funeral went well but I have never seen the family since then. Did I wimp out but not tackling some of the presenting issues? Probably, but I guess we all have things we could do better.