A 93 year old wants to die

On my last weekend as this hospitals chaplain, I was bleeped to a ward where I met a very sad 93 year old. Her mind was obviously very sprightly but her body was extremely frail. She held out a really boney hand for me to shake. 

After I had put her at her ease with some small talk she told me that she had fallen out with her husband because he wouldn’t take her to Switzerland to die. She then asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I thought it was very sad that we couldn't have an open debate on this subject to see if in certain situations we could help ease someones death. The problem is the subject is so emotive that a rational discussion is difficult. I also said that some people have to suffer terrible and that was hard to endure and witness. The woman nodded and smiled a sad smile and looked at me through watery eyes. I held her boney hand.

Chaplaincy never ceases to amaze me with the surprises that greet me around the various corners I’ve travelled. I asked the woman if she had spoken to her daughter and she told me there was no point because she was her father’s daughter and would always side with him. She told me that her husband had always been selfish. I thought it’d be really sad for her to die with this row unresolved between her and her husband. I told her what her rights were in this country and that she could refuse active treatment but that she would not be able to get someone to help her end her life. She said it was awful to live too long. I sympathised with her but also encouraged her to think about what she loved about her husband and what had kept them together for the last 69 years. I also encouraged her to talk to her doctors about her wishes.

As a society it feels to me like death is the final taboo. We often leave it too late to discuss what we want with our families and friends. In the end this doesn’t help. I wish I could wave a magic wand sometimes and make it possible for people to speak frankly about this. We’ve all got to face it sooner or later after all.

I was sorry not to see this one through. I'd love to know what this forward thinking woman did in the end. I'd also have liked to know whether she resolved her differences with her "old man" Sometimes I just have to hand situations over to God and say "up to you now mate"