I’ve had a really interesting week. To start with I was asked to talk to a 6th form RE class. As part of their A levels they have to engage in the differences within the Christian faith and why people believe certain things and some groups have different beliefs. The person they had before to talk from an insiders point of view was a rather staid cleric. A friend of mine works at this school and was chatting with the RE teacher about the problem and suggested he approached me to chat to the students.
Having worked in secondary schools for 8 years before leaving due to my bone marrow transplant, I am well used to teenagers. Also I have 3 teenage grandsons and a granddaughter who is 10 going on 28. Lol. More about her later. I’m known as Rebel Rev. Someone said to me once that I was the most unholy holy person they had ever met. I took that as a compliment. As such there is nothing I like more than stretching young people out of their black and white world and into the grey. We talked about sexuality and same sex marriage. I could hear a few sniggers when I said “if you are against gay marriage then don’t have a gay marriage,” They were astounded that I can bless a tank but not the union of a loving and committed same sex couple. We also talked about termination of pregnancy. There were also questions about why there are two creation accounts in Genesis and why do people believe different things. I really enjoyed responding to these questions and opening up their minds to celebrating differences and living with questions rather than having to have all the answers. It was just a shame that because I was doing this via zoom I couldn’t hear all the students remarks so well. Hearing aids don’t always help with modern day communications.
One of the things I love about being a mother and grandmother is watching the grandkids create Khama with their parents. My daughter wasn’t much trouble growing up apart from wanting to do all the girly things. She once wet her knickers so she could have a frilly pair like her friend who’s house she was playing in. Lol. By the time she was 11 I was giving her the child benefit so that she could choose her own clothes. She was so particular and wouldn’t accept my advice so I let her take a lead on it. She learned the hard way about buying kitch and making her money last. I love seeing the payback now with her kids. The boys are particular about their appearance but this is nothing compared to Molly. She is head strong and confident. She’s been at home because of an outbreak of COVID in her school. One of her brothers was at home too. Molly loves you tube and taught herself gymnastics and make up all from checking various you tubers. Then she decided to save her mum some money and cut her long hair. She recorded herself doing it as she followed the steps on YouTube. The attached video is the outcome. I just love it. I had a chat to her today and said she was like me. She knows that my parents weren’t the best mum and dad. I told her my philosophy was if I’m gonna get in trouble any way I might as well get in trouble for something that I’d done. Also I introduced her to the concept of asking for forgiveness rather than permission. It’s so wonderful being a grandma and being able to implant these subversive ideas. I’m attaching Molly’s video of her cutting her hair with her permission. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
I’ve lived with cancer and it’s fall out for all of my grandchildren’s lives. I was fitter when they were small and I did teach the boys to swim and dive and started their football skills off. It’s been harder with Molly because my health has been worse but we do have a fantastic relationship. When she was little she followed me everywhere. I had to let her have a walking stick because otherwise she was always nicking mine. When I got my mobility scooter she was often on my lap as we whizzed around places. She is slight in frame and stature but mighty in spirit and it’s great to see her blossom. As she wants to be a Youtuber I agreed to put her video on my channel. The world better watch out for this one. I think in time she may take it by storm.
As for me, I’m still breathing but I’ve come to realise that I’m never going to be totally illness free. I’m not going to get my life back the way it was but I can still have a different sort of life. I have problems with my bones, muscles and nerves. I have a bit of nerve impingement in my neck. I’m still getting numbness and pins and needles in all my limbs. My right arm doesn’t alway feel it belongs to me and at times I lose my grip on things because I can’t feel them in my hand. It’s likely I have peripheral neuropathy from all the chemo. I still need a neurologist to check this out and I’ve still not been seen in the TIA clinic (mini stroke). My blood counts are pretty good just now. I’ve had a horrible and painful abscess on the back of my leg that was successfully treated with antibiotics. That shows that I can fight infections if I catch it early enough. I’m still trying to get down to 5mgs of prednisalone. As a result I’m in more pain and have more stiffness. I really really need a massage but that’s not going to happen during the pandemic.
The hardest thing for me continues to be the never ending shielding due to my ineffective immune system. Last week my grandson and I were chatting in the garden about a problem he was having. He got upset and I hated the fact that I couldn’t hug him. That hurts me more than anything. I can’t even say oh blow the guidelines and hug him anyway. Many of you will wonder why. It’s quite simple really. If I were to pick anything up and one of the family had hugged me, they would never forgive themselves. As a result they are all anxious around me. I have to deal with their fears in a respectful way. That’s why I don’t hug them. I’ve also told them that if and when I do die, I will shake my chains at any of them who feel responsible. It’s my immune system that the culprit, nothing else!
I went into a shop the other day and there was not much social distancing going on. Also half the people weren’t wearing masks. I had to leave. I’ve managed some how to keep myself alive for 21 years of living with cancer and it’s treatment. Now my very survival depends on people doing the right thing and seeing me and my needs due to extra vulnerabilities. I want to be around long enough to see my beautiful grandchildren become the amazing adults they will be. I want to love my daughter through the changes that come as 4 kids grow up and leave home. I want to give my partner of 30 years as much time as I can. Please help me and continue to keep your distance as well as wear a mask in shops.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=laKPRl1nMpU&feature=share
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