The 3rd woman to cross my horizon in that short
time and have an impact on me was an 88 year old. I was bleeped to her bedside
one night. When I arrived the nurse ushered me in quite quickly but didn’t give
me much info. Behind the closed curtains was a frail woman lying quite still in
bed. She had oxygen prongs up her nose and she was struggling to breathe. Her
eyes were closed and she was motionless. At her side was her only daughter and
son-in-law. I was told that their only son was on his way and there was no one
else in their small but close family.
When I arrive in a situation like that I always get the
family to tell me what’s been happening, even if the staff have already told
me. This helps me know if the family have grasped the reality of the situation.
The family told me that mum had been ill for a while but always fiercely
independent. She’d taken a turn for the worse and had been in hospital for 3
weeks. She had pulled out her feeding tube on 2 occasions and refused to have
it placed back in. They felt that was mum’s way of saying she’d had enough.
I asked them if mum was religious and they said she wasn’t
but that she did believe. I explained that people of their mothers age often
had a belief system because it was common for that generation to have gone to
Sunday school and church. I explained that I wasn’t asking in order to make
judgements but just so that I could know what words might be appropriate and
familiar. I then asked the family if they believed and they told me they
didn’t. I asked them what they would like me to do and they asked me if I could
say a few words of comfort to mum.
I went to the bedside. When a patient is still breathing I
always introduce myself and explain what I’m doing just in case they can still
hear me. I said that I was the chaplain and I hoped it was ok to talk to her.
She said “Yes dear” I smiled as you would not have thought she was conscious. I
explained that her family were at the other side of the bed. Again she said
“Yes dear” I asked her if she knew why they were there. She said “Yes dear, to
see the end” This really made me smile as it’s uncommon for people to be so
frank during a death bed scene. I gently told the woman that as well as that I
thought they were there because they loved her and they wanted to say thank you
to her for being such a fantastic mum and grandmother. The daughter agreed with
me. I then asked the patient if she wanted me to say a prayer. She said she
did. I read psalm 23. As I got to the bit about “The valley of the shadow of
death” the woman stopped breathing. It’s beautiful when that happens but very
disconcerting. It’s also hard being the only professional present to hold the
tension of the moment. After about 20 seconds, which seemed an eternity, the
woman started to breath again.
At the end of the psalm I did a general prayer
of thanksgiving for a long life well lived and the continuing bonds which would
exist between those who love each other even though separated by death. I also said that
death could not remove the love which remains in the heart. The woman joined in
with the amen at the end.
I asked her if she wanted me to do anything else. She
then asked me how long it would be before the end. I told her that no-one ever
knows that and that was difficult for me to answer, but in my experience I didn’t
think it was to be very much longer. I also reassured her that she was
surrounded by a family that loved her and when she started her last journey she
would be accompanied by a loving God who would welcome her with open arms. She
thanked me.
The family were then asking some medical questions. I told them I’d
go and get that info and come back. When I came back the daughter told me that
mum had just seen the light so how much longer was it likely to be now. This
was a new one on me and I was thinking on my feet. I explained that mum was
having difficulty getting oxygen in and that this affects the brain and can
cause people to see things but it could also be a spiritual thing and that some
things remain a mystery until we experience them and that one day we’d get the
answer to all these questions. Until then I explained that we had to live with
not knowing anything for definite accept that mum was coming to the end of her
struggling and going to a place of peace. I asked mum if she was afraid and she
told me she wasn’t. I thanked her for being an inspiration to me and her family
in the way she was facing her death and wished her well for her final journey.
She died 45 minutes later.
Wow, ain't there some fantastic people in the world? What a way to go. May she rest in peace and rise in glory. Amen
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