Live your life so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice

Another teenage girl had an impact on me shortly after the last encounter. She had been suffering from bone cancer for many years. Her family had taken her home to die but at the last minute had panicked and called an ambulance. The crew found the situation difficult, as did the A&E staff. The resus attempt was futile and the young woman was allowed to die with her family around her.

I was wandering through the department late that evening, as there had been a staff BBQ. A member of staff called me over and said they had just been trying to contact the chaplain and filled me in on the family situation. I went in and chatted with the mum and dad and the other siblings. They were all very upset. Dad told me he wasn’t religious and wouldn’t take part, I told him that wasn’t a problem, that as a Church of England chaplain I was there for people of all faiths and none. Mum told me she was Roman Catholic. I asked if she wanted a RC priest and she told me she had asked for that. I double checked with staff and they apologised for shoving me in with the family and that they had called for the RC chaplain. I went back in and explained to the family that the priest was on his way. Dad asked me to stay and mum said she’d like me to say some

prayers. I did a little ceremony with them getting them all to anoint their daughter/sister in their own way. They all participated. I was talking to dad afterwards. I gave him this Native American quote:

“When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice”

I said I could tell his daughter had lived her life well by the tears flowing for her and that was a good thing.

The RC priest arrived shortly after this and I left them to it. I wrote to the family and invited them back to the “Remember Me” event. This is a non-religious service to remember all those who have died in the previous year. They all came. The dad spoke to me and said he had found our chat helpful and that he had used the quote I gave him during his eulogy to his daughter at her funeral. To me that showed me, what I already hold as a deep conviction, all people have a spirituality and need to be embraced at those awful moments in their lives. That father found a meaningful encounter with me because I allowed him to express his spirituality how he wanted and didn’t make him fit into a prescribed religious formula.